Learn how to trust someone again after being hurt by a loved one
“How to trust someone again” is a question many people ask themselves, and many struggle to answer. The problem is that trust takes time to earn, so it can feel almost impossible to regain when we lose it.
Someone you love can hurt you—whether they’re your spouse, significant other, best friend, sibling, parent, child, or coworker. It’s easy to be blindsided by a breakup or divorce, and sometimes even the best-laid plans can go awry.
Trust is one of the most critical elements of a successful romantic relationship and keeps you in a long-term commitment. When your loved one breaks trust, it can feel impossible to repair. But I’ve learned over the years that, sometimes, with just some small steps, it’s possible to regain that trust.
Start by being honest before you trust someone again
So why should you bother with this? Well, we all have our reasons. You might be looking to move on and start fresh in your life. Or, you might want to know that you’re not crazy.
You may have been in a long-term relationship or wonder if your relationship will be unhappy forever.
If you’re in one of these situations, you need to figure out what you want and what you don’t want. If you can’t come up with either, you can’t move on until you can figure out what you want.
Accept that your partner can change
Sometimes, the best thing you can do to heal yourself from a hurtful relationship is to acknowledge that your spouse can change. No matter what happens in the future, there is no way for you to undo the past.
Instead of focusing on what you did or didn’t do in the relationship to cause pain, try to remember what happened and why. Once you understand that, it can be easier to move forward and accept that it’s time to start over.
Keep it real if you are to trust someone again
Don’t lie, don’t exaggerate, don’t pretend to be someone else, don’t put on airs, be yourself. The biggest problem is that we constantly lie to ourselves and our relationships.
We pretend to be someone we’re not; we pretend to be kinder, wiser, more patient, and more helpful than we are; we pretend we don’t have faults.
The truth is that we all have flaws, we all make mistakes, and we all hurt people. We’ve all been lied to and cheated on, and someone we trusted has always hurt us.
Sometimes we all let people down, but none of us let ourselves down. Letting people down is the only thing we ever really do wrong.
Let go of anger and resentment
For starters, it’s essential to understand why you feel angry or resentful in the first place. What is your reason for being angry, and why does it matter to you that your partner doesn’t do certain things?
Once you understand what triggered your anger or resentment, it becomes easier to let go of it because you no longer feel compelled to respond to your spouse’s behavior. You can do three things to address anger and resentment:
First, acknowledge it for what it is. Next, permit yourself to let go of it. Finally, don’t expect anything from your partner or wait for your spouse to apologize.
Be understanding if you are to trust someone again
The second principle is empathy. Empathy means understanding another person’s point of view. It’s not necessarily an active emotion but the ability to recognize others’ feelings and consider their thoughts.
As you can imagine, empathy is quite a tricky thing to develop. Some people are born with it, but most of us need to cultivate it throughout our lives.
For example, if you’re arguing with someone, ask yourself, “What would I feel like if this happened to me?” or, “How do I feel about this situation?” These questions may help you understand why someone might think the way they do.
Avoid making promises you can't keep
Avoiding making promises you can’t keep is a piece of good advice when trying to avoid getting hurt in relationships.
If you are going to trust someone again, don’t say you’ll always be there, for example, or that something is going to be okay, for fear that they may let you down again.
People who break your heart tend to break your trust, too, so you have to be sure that you can put this individual back into your life.
Don't pretend you are not angry
Most of us can relate to being betrayed by someone we love. The feeling of having been disappointed by someone you thought you trusted is something that affects many people and can change our attitudes about others.
The effect of broken trust is often irreversible and can last long after a person’s initial anger has passed. It’s easy to be too hard on yourself and others after they’ve cheated on you.
You’re not as unique or perfect as you may have thought, and you’re not the only one who gets hurt.
Don't get involved in something too good to be true
Sometimes when people are trying to recover from a bad breakup, they’re attracted to somebody who seems perfect on the surface.
They say things like, “I don’t care if they drink, have a great job, a nice car, are kind, and are fun to hang out with.”
While there are some pretty decent qualities about that person, there is something a little off about them. They could be a liar, a cheater, or a psychopath. You’ll need to figure out what they’re hiding or who they are before giving them another chance.
Learn to forgive if you are to trust someone again
The worst part of betrayal is when a person you care about turns on you. But if you want to heal and move on, it’s important to forgive the individual.
Trust is one of the most potent forces in relationships and forgiving means the individual is now free to build a new relationship without feeling any animosity towards you. It’s about moving on from the past and accepting the person as they are in the present.
Trying to remember your best moments together will help
There is no better feeling than relying on someone with your heart. There comes a time when you must let go of your heart to focus on what’s suitable for your relationship.
After a relationship ends, you can start thinking about your best moments with the other person. These memories will help you to believe them again.
The moment you feel something negative or fearful about the other individual, remind yourself of the times when you felt good.
Show respect before you trust someone again
This tip is all about taking things slow and not getting hurt again. It doesn’t mean that you should never speak up for yourself.
Many times in life, a person deserves a little bit of a smack on the head (or the ego, depending on how you look at it). But if you’re going to be respectful to someone, don’t just stand there and allow them to walk all over you.
Learn how to accept that your partner is different
Many people think they will receive the same response if they’re honest and open with their partner about how they feel.
But they don’t realize that their spouse isn’t the same person they were at the beginning of the relationship. When your partner in the past has hurt you, you’ve changed.
That’s because you have been through so much in the relationship. When you finally give up on the idea that they will change, you can learn how to accept them for who they are and where they are in their life.
Be careful when deciding if you want to trust someone again
There’s always something to learn from a breakup. It helps you understand your strengths and weaknesses, the relationships, and the other party’s strengths and weaknesses.
Don’t get me wrong; there are many times when a split is the best thing for everyone involved; however, it is still harrowing to go through.
At this stage, you start figuring out if you’re okay with this person again and, if so, what you’ll do next.
Accept your partner for who they are
When you’re having trust issues in a relationship, you must start by accepting yourself for who you are.
You can only grow your relationship if you accept and understand what your partner does that makes them who they are. Accepting your spouse for who they are can build up the trust necessary to restore your relationship.
Make sure that you have some other options
When you’re ready to trust another person again, you must make sure there’s a backup plan.
A backup plan means having other options available if the relationship doesn’t work out as expected and being willing to follow through on those options. If you only have one option, you don’t have any choice but to risk betrayal again.
Do not compare yourself with others
People who have been hurt or betrayed by someone they thought they could trust will compare themselves to others with their experience to determine whether it was worth trusting the person again.
However, people who compare themselves to others are likely to fail at trusting the person they are trying to count on. To trust someone again, you have to compare yourself only to yourself.
Understand what caused you to distrust before you trust someone again
To restore trust, you need to understand why you lost it in the first place. You need to realize that they’ve hurt you. And you need to know that you don’t deserve to be hurt again because you’ve learned valuable lessons. Here are some things you should try to remember after getting hurt by a person you thought you could trust:
- Never let anyone or anything take away your power over your future.
- Don’t put your heart or emotions into someone else’s hands.
- Be careful to who you allow yourself to give your heart to.
- Look for people who care about not hurting you.
Focus on your own needs first
If you want to trust someone again, focus on your own needs before relying on them. That means that when considering relying on someone again, focus first on what you want from that individual.
Is there something you want them to give you or to do for you? In other words, think about what your needs are. Once you’ve done that, then think about what they could do for you.
It would be best if you practiced empathy before you trust someone again
We all have a reason why we choose to trust someone. We trust people who seem to care about us, who love us, and who don’t let us down. If we trust someone, it is because of an experience where we trusted them, and they did not let us down. But if we decide to trust someone again, we need to practice empathy first.
Get rid of the need to control
When you are ready to move forward in a relationship, you will learn to let go of trying to control your partner. As you attempt to control a partner, you are only causing yourself to be emotionally controlled.
While letting go of controlling your partner will allow you to trust your partner again. If you are still angry, you will not indeed be able to trust a partner again.
Be honest with yourself before you trust someone again
We all know that honesty is the best policy for any relationship. If you want to trust someone again, you should be honest with yourself first.
After a loved one hurts you, it’s easy to think negatively about people who hurt us in relationships. Instead, we should be honest and admit when we’re acting irrationally and falling victim to negative thinking.
Learn to accept yourself, and your partner
To be truly loved and cared for again, you must accept the flaws in yourself and the other individual. You must love them unconditionally. Even if you feel they wronged you, your only choice is to accept that you are still worthy of their love and attention.
No matter how badly you were hurt or how much you have suffered, it would help if you were willing to forgive them and forget.
You need to be prepared to accept them as they are, even if they continue to treat you poorly. You cannot expect to move forward healthily and happily if you continue to blame and hold grudges.
Start a new relationship rather than looking back at old wounds
Don’t dwell on your past relationships. Instead, spend time looking forward. If your current relationship is not working for you, then get out of it and focus on finding a better one. Don’t hold onto old feelings or resentments because they’ll only continue to eat at you.
- Tell your ex what you want to hear when it’s convenient.
- Please don’t assume that loved ones will stay because they say they will.
- Do what you can to avoid rehashing your ex’s actions and decisions.
- Try to see yourself as a better individual than you were in the past.
- Talk about the other person’s flaws and struggles so that you don’t fall into the same traps.
- Be aware that not everyone is what they seem to be.
- Be cautious when giving advice or sharing your opinion about the other individual.
- Remember that you can only honestly know an individual if you interact with them.
- Accept that you can’t change people, but that doesn’t mean you need to avoid them or cut them out of your life.
- Remember that people are often more complicated than you think.
- Trust your gut instinct.
- Don’t judge until you’ve given someone a second chance.
- Give people the benefit of the doubt.
- Keep your distance from toxic people.
I am here to tell you that you can trust someone again and that it is possible to move forward, but it takes work. Your loved one has broken your heart.
But, as long as you know, it is possible to move forward, grow, and heal. Learn to let go, forgive and move on from past relationships.